4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
