So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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