I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
