if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
