the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
