Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
