6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
try to milk me bitch
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
