Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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