I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
