After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
