She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
