hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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