I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
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I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
