I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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