just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.