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• (810): View more from Michigan

  After last night I still want u

  (810): View more from Michigan

  But please keep that on the DL

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  im sorry, i don't get text messages.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

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  25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...

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  23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Finding that toy duck there was weird right?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.

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