Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂