i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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