I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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