no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
