Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
