I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
