I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
