My first STD was from a foam party
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
