So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
