Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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