I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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