ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
