I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
