Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
