margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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