Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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