I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
