I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.