You really coming over, don't trick.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.