Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass