it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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