I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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