he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
