you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
