so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
