I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
