My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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