Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
