im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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