I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At least make sure they are 18
Why
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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