I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
