did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
