i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
