haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize