he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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