Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
