WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
