Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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