who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
