Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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