I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
