Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
