Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
id be glad to
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How naked do you want me to be?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
