Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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