His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
