I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Boobs speak an international language.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
