my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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