im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
