How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
