Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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